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Well it has been a while since ive updated journal. So here goes..
Alot of changes have hit me this year. I guess 2007 has been my year. Again I have learnt alot about where your true friends lie.
There are two types of friends out there, theres the friends that stab you in the back or the friends that stab you in the front. Seems alot of them turned out to stab me in the back.
All my life I have been surrounded by a different range of friends, the ones who would admire you one day and hate you another, then the friends who just were so wild and crazy that they cried out for attention, and of course I cant forget the friends who would always call me to come out for drinks and clubbing. Sorry guys, I got over all of that.
This year, 2007, I have reunited with a different sort of friends. Ones who understand where im coming from and will not criticize my time spent with them. Ive realized, learning from these people, that there are actually people out there who would rather sit and catch up, than go out and get pissed and not remember the last thing said to each other. This guys, is not my life. I'd rather make the most of my future than to waste it on drugs, alcohol, one night stands, being a kid at still the age of 20-25. Its sad to think that these particular people think they're adults.
This year must have been an awakening year for me. I had met a lifelong partner last year and so suddenly when I did, thats when I had lost alot of my friends respect. This never made sense to me and nor did I bother to sit down once and wonder why they were acting like this. Not happy for me or thankful that im finally happy. Instead they only focused on themselves about 'theyre' needs and wants in our friendships. Oh and the fact that I never saw them much anymore.. sorry but as you once said. It takes two to tango :)
I have wasted so many years of just giving two shits about how other people feel and tippy toeing around other peoples standard lives and ive always been shut out of their outings and mostly been a third wheel. Well this time im one to be greedy and enjoy the happiness around me.
I couldn't care less who talks about me, I couldn't care less who remains my friend or not, I couldn't care less that you guys have deleted me out of your life. Its really sweet to know how much I am center of your attention. Its interesting to see the constant backstabbing and dirty looks are still happening around me and in all honestly, the more it happens the more it shows how grown up you's turned out to be in the end. I just know deep inside that I have benefited for standing up for myself and cleaning out my dirty closet and no more will I feel an outsider or you guys make me feel bad for my happiness.
Hopefully one day soon, you will understand the place im in. And know true happiness doesn't sit at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon, or a bag full of pills and inside a pub full of single sleazy people.
Well aside from that, everything else this year has been going fantastically. Incase you's havent heard.. I have now officially become a full time worker! After so many years of me studying and holding myself back for so many appointments and peer pressure I now currently work as a Business Deliver at the Taxation Department inside the World Trade Center in the city which is practically down the road from me and Daniels apartment. Which is really close to St Kilda, Chapel St and the city of course. Were still finding our feet while living together but I guess it must be true! you really dont know someone until you live with them, I definitely know Daniel alot better now since living with him for over a month now. And I could only feel stronger and love him more and more each day since feeling more connected to him. Im now impatient to marry! I don't want to wait! hehe. But time will tell the day when we decide we cant wait any longer to enjoy our lives together as a married couple. We may be young but far out, everything is alike between us.. the way we think.. the way we speak.. our interests and dis interests.. (except for the fact hes a Pantera fan and im a NFG fan which NFG would kick Pantera's ass any day ;) ha ha yes dreamer) I have never shared this much chemistry with someone before and felt so intimate with Daniel. All these years of boyfriends and heartbreaks and Mehs and disappointments coming from them has happened for a reason.. for me to meet somebody like Daniel so he would make it all better for me again. He stitched up my heart, made it beat again and shined the light inside my dark room I have hidden in all these years.
Everyone speaks about finding theyre soul mate.. I have finally found mine.
Anyway Daniel is suffocating me with his love so were off to get chinese and have a Sex and the City marathorn night ha ha..
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Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
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Hai.. well I can finally update you to my Queensland Holiday pics since my computer shiate itself a couple of weeks ago and Dad now built me a computer from scratch.. so I can show off now!
Well.. me and my gorgeous boyfriend went to QLD for alittle holiday break plus a nice birthday spent together! (being as our birthdays are on the same day.. fancy that!)
We spent our week in Radisson Resort.. which was a high class 4.5 star hotel with 2 swimming pools, 4 tennis courts, massage and therapy rooms, restaurant, gaming rooms, theatre etc.. It was HUGE! And definately the best hotel myself and Dan have been to.. plus it had the most spectacular views to the golf courses and lakes.
Aside from that.. our bedroom was also awesome! We had a king size bed.. but it was bigger.. it was like TWO king size beds in one.. so I had to roll over 4 times to reach Dan on the other side of the bed lol. And we had a cable TV and a courtyard and a massive spa.
Went to MovieWorld.. Surfers Paradise.. Shopping.. Saw Dans friends and mine also.. and most importantly.. the BEACH! Aw man ill shutup and just show you guys the pics!
The lake and semi-golf course view...
As part of the package we had bought.. we scored free all you can eat breakfast every day!
My baby all blurry but still spunk!
Another view inside the restaurant.. you could eat inside or out..
MAN.. there were HUGE lizards lying around the resort.. me and Dan never ended up catching one
A half eaten breakfast of mine.. yummeh
One of the views from dining outside at the restaurant at the resort..
Another view of the golf course .. how awesome are the views!
I heart my cereal <3 chomp.
And Dan hearts his too <3 haha
Dan approved of the breakfasts haha
LoL we went to Draculars store.. had abit of fun!
Abit of LoveLoveLoveLoveLove
LOL.. Dan bought thongs! Busted!
We found this place in Surfers Paradise called -1degrees or something.. and its literally a bar made of ice.. the tables.. chairs.. floor.. ceiling.. glasses.. EVERYTHING! We got to wear eskimo suits and free cocktails ...score!
Sif not get icecream.. Mmm white choco flavour!
Man.. who would go to QLD and not go to the beach? Definately not us!
LoL.. I lied
My feet are better than yours.
Gotta add in the cute photo of us
The love of my life right there..
LoL.. no comment
Me and Dan made doodle sandcastles.. envy our talents!
Mine was FAR better though.. Sand Choad Castle!
Dan lost his leg sadly..
SUSHI!!!!! Was awesomrific!
Man.. Dan does the crappest jobs at applying sunscreen
Movie World!
Love.
Arrrrr... catwomannnnn
Back at the resort.. Shower Capsssssss
\m/ Caps \m/
Facial Masks.. haha we had to stay pretty
Time to play Tennis! <- best fun!
MICH [vs] DAN .....this is war!
....guess who won?
Sif these stayed on for long around Dan.. lol
Heated Pools <3 <3
I suprised Dan with a choco birthday cake.. room serviced. *knock* "Whos that?!?!" - "Room Service!" - "I never ordered Room Service! HEY!" ... Lol.. full of suprises I am
But we had no knives to cut it.. a spoon had to do lol
Sif have a birthday without alchohol..
...and more!
Our last day.. we didnt wanna leave.. and YES I did suffer from the sunglasses burn .. eep!
Not to mention that we both got the back of our necks pierced on the day.. I dont have pics since I tried to hide it from my parents which didnt last long
Best Photo Award! My one and only Daniel.. who is the love of my life and nobody is changing that!
I have videos when we were on the rollercoaster but im unsure how to load them.. so bad luck lol.
<3 Mich
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Friday, January 5th, 2007
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Its been a while since ive updated here hey.. well thats because
(1) I've been too busy
(2) My computer blew up at home so no more internet for a while lol
(3) totally forgot about this website
Well.. reasons for why ive been so busy lately is because ive been trying to sort myself out with my social and worklife. Now that im in a serious relationship with Dan and the only times I can see him is mainly the weekends.. I make the most of them. Even if that means that I cant see my other friends.. yeah it may be sad but ive always been the type to come in and out of relationships and this time this one is serious and I dont wanna loose that. In fact its so serious that me and Dan are moving out together in March this year. So weve been house hunting a fair bit.. currently looking in Altona. But I think its wise if we started looking in February so gives us time to save up and such.
Alot of my friends have cracked the shits at me for so called "ditching them" .. so it seems alright that when theyre in relationships they can pike out on me but when im finally thinking seriously about someone and see them alittle more than I see others.. everyone suddenly has a grudge. And to be honest.. alot of my friends seem to only drink as theyre source of fun.. and im not into that kind of company anymore.
All I needed was people to be alittle patient with me. Well I am happy with Dan.. happiest ive ever been with someone.. and were only getting stronger by the day :) yay
Aside from the relationship and house hunting.. ive also been job hunting! Which has driven me crazy.. been for over 10 interviews this past month.. and 99% of them where alittle hard to get to so I didnt accept the offer. Or I hadnt enough experience.. it is a pain but im still trying! :) Now that ive mentioned it.. ive got another 2 today.. *fingers crossed*
Well.. this weekend im off to QLD for the week :D Finally deserved my week off the utter bullcrap ive went through these few years. Will be in QLD during my birthday too.. (Which is next Friday by the way haha) so shall be good :) Definately something I look forward to..
Anyway.. thats enough ramble from me.
I'll be at switch this weekend and a few friends that count will be there that id love to see again! Bai
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Thursday, November 30th, 2006
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FREE BOOZE ALL NIGHT???
AWESOME ROCK AND METAL TUNES ALL NIGHT???
LIVE BANDS???
FRIENDS???
Sounds like a fair good night to me.. for $99.00!
Tickets on sale December 9th.. contact me or go to Switch and speak to Will or Shannon
kay thanks bai xox
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Saturday, October 7th, 2006
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Monday, September 11th, 2006
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Well... today was finally confirmed.
Got the bookings for myself and Amber for our trip/my birthday in the Goldcoast in January!!!!
Total ended up to be $2550.22 all up. But this covers flights AND accomodation for 7nights.
EXCITEDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!
Heres the resort were staying at.
*count down*
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Sunday, September 10th, 2006
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MAN!
My weekend was effin fantastic!!!
Highlights???
!*! SILENT HILL
!*! Saw Amber
!*! Thankyou for the lift after work on Friday to Ambers house Chris!
!*! Maze game.. ARGH!
!*! Me and Amber couldnt sleep until 5am on Friday due to us hearing spooky noises in her kitchen :(
!*! BREAKFASTTTT!!!!
!*! Random Drives & Rockouts
!*! Crown Casino
!*! Seing Erin Dean Chris and Bryce was really fantastic! Miss those guys
!*! Good chat with Erin in ambers car rocked!
!*! HUGS HUGS HUGS!
!*! Seing Shane
!*! Didnt wanna see a certain someone at switch.. but meh
!*! Made peace with someone at switch :)
!*! 'Can I get a Bacon Deluxe burger please?' -mcdonalds haha
!*! 'YOUR ALL GREEN OF ENVY!'
!*! EXTTREEEMEEEEEE to the max.
!*! Seing Paul
!*! CONSTANT LAUGHS! my tummy hurts
!*! Bad Santa.
!*! Happy Birthday Brad
!*! Happy Birthday Bryce
!*! Happy Birthday Shaneo too!
!*! SWITCH was effing brilliant!!! Constant good music ALL night.. met more new people and discovered more drunken photos on my phone and unknown numbers haha
!*! I heart Switch yo
!*! Amber is my favourite
!*! KAWA BUNGA!!
!*! Shane VERY VERY drunk haha
!*! Amber VERY drunk
!*! Michy drunk
!*! Saw Bree!!!!!! <3 <3 <3
!*! Will gave my cd which he's been holding onto for weeks haha
!*! Awesomeeeeeeeee
Heres pictures of Switch.. OH YEAH!
Drunk ones, Random ones, Loved ones, Attention Seeking ones, and dancing ones! Here's what you missed out! Enjoy
Yeah :D
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Thursday, August 31st, 2006
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Freaky yo
| Your Personality Is |
Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. |
PS: My weekend is going to be effing fantastic!!!! Me and the crew are hell excited.
Tomorrow got work which is bleh! but leaving early so I can get to Hallam in time to see Amber and Shane whilst its still daylight! Were off to the beach for fish and chips for dinner :D shall be awesome.. hopefully the weather is as perfect as todays.
Then me and amber are having a random drive random movie night again.. best nights evar!
Then Saturday morning got the BIG BREAKFAST planned! With myself Amber Shane and Chris.. yummeh! And going random shopping in Fountain gate and possibly get lunch too.. the breakfasts there usually fill me up for the whole day haha.. GAH.. BREE YOUR HARD TO SHOP FOR A BIRTHDAY GIFT!!!
THen LASER WARSSS!!! im going to kick ass yo
then partee then switch then friends and voila.. my weekend is awesomily completed
oh and going for beers with Dry Kill Logic on the 18th
HOT
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Sunday, August 27th, 2006
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Friday night went to Andy's for his 25th quiet one.. Me Amber Shane Kayla Daz and Annie oh and of course Andeh were just having a few quiet drinks and checked out www.homestarrunner.com haha best site evar! "I Can Count To Purple...BACKWARDS!" hahaha..
Then Saturday went to the best breakfast cafe place with Shane.. yummeh! Then Shane suprised me by taking me up to Olida/Sky High Mountains.. best views up there hey.. then we took a 15minute hike through the forest where we came across wombat poo and Marijuana Plants and running down hills nearly falling on my ass and listening to kookabaras and throwing gum nuts at Shane haha.. and was perfect weather too! :D had a fantastic time
I spent wayyy to much money in JB Hi Fi.. Machine Made God album, Staind album, Fathers Day Gift, CRASH dvd etc
and Saturday night decided to have a quiet movie night at his watching CRASH and Rat Race.. We laughed and cried.. and I copped a few phone calls from Lloyd and such whinging about me not coming to Switch. Haha I love drunken phone calls.. brings me into stiches!
Well yeah that was my weekend overall.. yay!
PS: Cant say ive met anyone who takes me out to so many nice restaurants and really nice places before :)
PPS: And im growing closer to everyone in Hampton Park again which is fantastic! Kinda avoiding those not worth it anymore and enjoying the best company one could ask heh
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Sunday, August 20th, 2006
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I managed to upload pics from my phone to my comp! BOOYA!
So this is my second family.. My friends.
Glenn and myself
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Me and my best girl Bree
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Grrrrr! Me and Shane <3 !
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YAY DYLAN!
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Me and Amber! (AMB) haha.. boo glitter!
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Me and Andeh!
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HAHAHAHA go steve!
Gah.. love you guys <3 (didnt attach all the photos.. more to come!)
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Thursday, August 10th, 2006
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I rest my effing case! this kid belongs to 'HollywoodUndead - I Must Be Emo!'
..Old Enough To Know Better.. Too Young To Care? ... says:
when you leaving for NEXT?
Zakky says:
soon!
Zakky says:
hahaha im wearin my sisters jeans
FUCKING EMO'S! useless haha
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TWISTΩPHER says:
Hey Mich hows tricks?
..I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.. says:
Hey! Pretty crummy..
TWISTΩPHER says:
how come?
..I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.. says:
Mich had to feed the cat dinner .. and her bowl was all the way in the shed in the backyard.. On the way there I came across a humungeous spidie..squeeled..then fed my kittie her food and cut my finger and I nearly bled to death and .. END.
TWISTΩPHER says:
ahh
TWISTΩPHER says:
so basically.
TWISTΩPHER says:
you were eating your curves and weight
Along came a spider
sat down beside ya
and cut your finger open
while the dish ran away with the spooned.
and you said to your finger
'my, what big teeth you have?'
'All the better to GOBBLE YOU UP!!!'
..I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.. says:
HAHAHAHA best song evar!
Gosh.. gotta love my musically creative friends haha
Thats my story
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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
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TAFE rocked out this morning.. Strange that I actually say that :\
Hairdressors rocked out EVEN more so!!! I finally got the cut ive been wanting for at least a year.. but no hairdressor until today done it the way I wanted!
Yuhuh!
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Could I ask for better friends?? People who dont rely on alchohol or drugs to have a good time.. people who arent fake and always being themselves.. people who are always a good laugh and bringing mich to tears of laughter.. peoople who I call my true friends :) Love these people.
Friday night after work went off to Hallam Station and spent the night with him alittle bit before heading out to pick Breester up and going to Michaelas 21st birthday in a hired funtion room down in some random mint hotel I think?
Went with Amber, Breester, Shane, Daz, Andy and Fugs.
Dancing to Eiffle 65, Aqua, babys got back, ABBA and so on.. just acting dumb and dancing like retards on the dance floor made all the people at the party envious of our awesome dancing moves! haha Caramel cake was delish! Beer and coke was free! and Breester missed out on the table full of fooood which she continued ranting on about all weekend haha :P awww
Ended up crashing at Ambers that night with Bree and me and Breester spoke until the early hours of the morning of nice D&M chats! was fantastic! I recon we really learnt alot about each other that night and just ended up getting all sooky and random hugs and I LOVE YOUS added in hahaha.. but phwoar.. did I ever get suffocated with her farts that night *fears*
Saturday EARLY 7AM... Bree decided to wake up and wake me up along the process and I bitched and moaned abit but after the random ideas of us sneaking out of Ambers house so we wouldnt see her parents and get in trouble for keeping them up all night because we were so loud. Haha Bree: "Lets sneak out the back window!"
Haha but we eventually got the balls to get out of bed and realised it was Amber who was walking in and out of the toiley all night.. PHEW! Eventually Shane picked us up and we headed out to the LUNCH BOX in Hampton Park shops with the BIGGEST and BEST breakfast ever!!! Me and Bree just couldnt stop talking about it the night before! *homer style drools*
Pigged out.. Mmmm iced chocolate! We were all bloated and had a cruisey day shopping for absolutely nothing.. and window shopped around Fountain Gate which was good fun :D Then went back to Shanes and watched Wedding Crashers which i must add is a SENSATIONAL movie.. haha good times!
Met up with everyone once again and headed off to Switch of course! (much missed that place last weekend)
Thought is go in a different look this time.. the gothic look sorta? Haha I got alot of good compliments about the look.. which was good enough attention! haha.. and EVERYONE was there :D was awesome speaking to everyone again.. had Shane, Afghan, Shain, Dan, Caz, Jared, Glenn, Annie, Erin, Fugs, Amber, Shane, Tim, Anth, Random myspace kid who knew my profile haha, Omen, Gaby, Jess, Frank, Alex, Mark and I think that pretty much sums it.. but yeah alot of friends came which made my night pretty much :D Our moshpits were rad! :D
Jeremy waved the Strapping Young Lad cd over the dj booth to hand to me.. which I was stoked about!! Phil was very drunken as per normal haha.. Just yeah! I love this nightclub.. good atmosphere and company. What more can a Mich need?
ps: I love breester! Thankyou for listening to me and just being awesome.. sorry I hogged the water which caused your face to build rashes on your face :( ..and thankyou for just being a beautifull girl! And my best friend xoxox Loves you!
Heres some photos of my weekend. ENJOY!
See how good these breakfast's are? Awww Amber you missed out! (BEFORE SHOT!)
(AFTER SHOT!) haha it hurt to breathe!
Me and Amber at Michaelas 21st Birthday Bash. Precious <3
Me and Shane.. awwwwwwwwwww <3 Thankyou <3
Aww YAY Group Shot!
Hahaha Love this pic! BREE 4 Stealing Gloves.. ANDEH 4 Stealing shoes!
Ummm.. YUMMEH
WARNING: dont wake up at 7am on Saturdays!!
Our PJS were EQUALLY awesome! haha
Boooooooooooobies! *grope*
Facial masks are awesome! They were burning our faces!! :\
Um... What?
Love you Breester! talk about hot photo! <3 <3
No seriously its hot! :D
Love Mich.
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| Subject: | R.I.P |
| Time: | 12:06 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | Slipknot - Vermillion Pt 2. |
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I wondered yesterday and imagined what life was for me 3years ago on the 9th.. how was the last day of a normal life with Adam. Who were the last people I spoke to before I left them in tears and pain for months after my crash. I want to go back to those days.. I want to remember those days.. I miss those days. More than anything.
Today was the day I had my crash.. around 5pm. Luckily I dont remember any of it.. but from what I was told repeatively was that he was speeding - lost control on the road and crashed into a pole on the side of a road.. car practically wrapped around the pole. Very unusual but luckily a retired parametic was driving 2 cars behind me and Adams.. and saw the whole crash.. ran to the car.. had one look at Adam and knew straight away there was no hope, looked at me with supposively blood coming out of my ears mouth and nose.. still in shock fromm the crash.. then I suddenly paused.. my body was lifeless.. my heart had stopped beating for those very few seconds/minutes.. John (the retired Parametic) resucitated me back to life. For many months after my car crash I wished he never brought me back :(
Due to the crash happening in a dangerous road (Yang Yean) and traffic conditions.. they sent a helicopter for the rescue and took me to Alfred Hospital. I stayed there for the period of 3weeks and was in Intensive Care and a coma for that whole time. Only my parents were the ones allowed to see me.. and even they couldnt stand the sight of me strapped up to the bed with tubes surrownding me. And the cunt of the doctors sat my parents in a room full of funeral cards and tissue boxes to break the news that I may not make it OR ill wake up a vegetable. Well shows how fucking right they were hey... Shows how much they know...
I remembered having this strange dream for the whole time I was in coma.. remembered I was in hospital and I was running away from the doctors and nurses and just generally wanting to GET OUT of the hospital. Just escaping from everything and running.
Then I suddenly woke up in the second hospital I was in (Epworth).. didnt know where I was nor what had happened to me.. I was in a King Size bed with a padded wall surrownding my bed (so I didnt hurt myself).. all along I thought it was just a dream I was having.. I managed to squeeze my hand through the edge of the padding surrownding my bed and undid the strap so I could walk out of bed. I eventually got it and stepped out of bed onto a cold tiled floor beneath me.. everything felt so real and everything was so dark (was in the middle of the night) I suddenly fell to the floor realising that my legs werent working.. nor was any of my right side. My right side of my body was paralyzed. I got into shock and started screaming out for someone to help me. Nurses ran in and put be back into bed and thats when I realised it wasnt a bad dream afterall.. this was all real.. this was actually happening to me and I didnt know why it happened or what happened and realised I had been in hospital for over a month now mainly in coma.
Days went by and I asked my family and best friend Simon what had happened.. then I soon questioned Adams name.. I didnt remember who he was but I knew there was a name Adam I knew well. Everyone around me never answered me and refused to tell me.
Days went on and then I said "I know who he is! Adams my boyfriend! where is he?? why isnt he visiting me??" I even had a personalised telelphone next to my bed and tried ringing his mobile but it was always turned off. I worried where he was everyday and I was frustrated that no one were telling me where he was.. (they didnt tell me due to me having frontal lobe brain injury.. any sort of stress would have created a blood clot to my head.. so it was a risk).
Everytime I asked my best friend Simon where Adam was I saw the tears grow in his eyes. Then finally.. after 3weeks of me wakeing up the councellor walked into my room and everyone knew.. everyone knew to walk out of the room and leave the news to me. She sat down on the bed and said along the lines of "Michelle.. you have been in a car accident over a month ago on the 10th of July with your boyfriend Adam.. you had suffered from frontal lobe brain injury and thats why we have kept you here for recovery" I responded "Duh.. wheres adam being kept? Which hospital? Is he okay? No one is telling me anything! I need to see him!" *faint pause* "Michelle Adam died instantly in the car crash" *long pause* Everything went blank.. its like I wasnt in this world anymore.. my guts just felt like they dropped to my feet and my heart shattered into a million pieces. All I could do was fall to my knees and cry and scream and pinch my arm hoping to wake up to a bad dream. My first love of my life.. the one and only boy who treated me like a queen.. the only person who would drive to my house when I rung him in tears.. the only person who looked into my eyes and read a poem he wrote for me.. the only one who would have done ANYTHING for me and even die saving my life.. and the only person who looked into my parents and my eyes saying he would never hurt me EVER. He lied.
July 10th. Was the day I had lost my Adam. 3years from now.. I lost my Adam. Lost my first true love.. lost the only someone who could see the real me and read me like the back of his hand.. the only person who NEVER put me down or made me feel like a clown.. the only person whod give anything to be next to me.. the only person who loved me for ME.. the only person who didnt care about anything else BUT me.. the only person I have been crying about and missing all these years.. and even more so crying as I type this story out.
I still have the box on my shelf with all his things.. his hat.. his photos.. his poems he wrote me.. the movie tickets for the movies we saw together.. the train tickets for when I came to visit him.. even the smallest things that remind me of him makes it special.
Every day just keeps getting harder without you here Adam. Wakeing up everyday reminding myself of the things I suffer from today and the things that are missing in my life. The nights I go to sleep wishing id never wake up sometimes.. the times ive wondered how you are.. if you miss me just as much as I miss you. The doubts I have with finding someone as caring and loving and everyones best friend like you again.. the tears that I have wept are only getting heavier as each day passes.. the smiles that light up on my face only seem to be getting darker..
I miss you Adam. Im sorry I havent done anything for you today.. the best I could do was leave you an add on the HERALD SUN paper.. I will pray for you tonight.. all I can do now is cry.. cry my heart out and know that no one will hear me. I wish you were here... I wish I could have said my goodbyes to you.. I wish I could see you one last time.. but the more that I wish for those things the more I know it wont happen.
I will love you for the rest of my life.. knowing that I had such a beautifull person like you in my life for some time.. has showed me alot and taught me alot. You inspired me in many ways.. and thankyou. Even though I hate you sometimes for what you have put me through and still putting me through.. I have learnt alot.. I have been through it the toughest and hardest way possible.. and it was a big lesson to learn.
I have learnt just how short life can be.. and to make the most of it while you can because as you never know what may happen tomorrow. And I am making the most of my life while I still can.. Ive wasted so many years on utter bullshit and SINCE my accident and yet so close to dying now I know 'every second of your life is precious'. And never take advantage of it.
From as many things as I have been through.. its taken a few years for me to say this.. but Lifes beautifull and be thankful with what youve got infront of you. Not behind or ahead.. whats right here now is what matters. And I inspire that in so many ways.
I'll love you forever Adam Downton.. every day that goes by is another day closer to seing you again.
Your Michelle
R.I.P ADAM DOWNTON. 1/11/1983 - 10/7/2003
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Lloyd sent me the best song before.. and now set as my ringtone on my mobile.. BEST SONG OUT
Lyrics Are...
dear diary,
mood: apathetic
my life is spiraling downward. i couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You,' and 'Rip Apart My Soul,' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab." and it doesn't help that i couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either, like that guy from that band could do, some days you know. . .
i'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be
you'd be non-conforming to if u look just like me
i have paint on my nails and make-up on my face
i'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
'cause i feel real deep when i'm dressing in drag
i call it freedom of expression most just call me a f*g
'cause their dudes look like chicks, their chicks look like d*kes
'cause emo is one step below transvestite
stop my breathing and slit my throat
i must be emo
i don't jump around when i go to shows
i must be emo
i'm dark and sensitive with low self-esteem
the way i dress makes everyday feel like Hallowe'en
i have no real problems but i like to make believe
i stole my sister's mascara now i'm grounded for a week
sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
i can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
girls keep breaking up with me, it' never any fun
they say they already have a p*ssy, they don't need another one
stop my breathing and slit my throat
i must be emo
i don't jump around when i go to shows
i must be emo
dye in my hair and polish on my toes
i must be emo
i play guitar and write suicide notes
i must be emo
my life is just a black abyss, you know, it's so dark. and it's suffocating me. grabbing ahold of me and tightening it's grip, tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans . . . which look great on my by the way
when i get depressed i cut my wrists in every direction
hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection
i write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
i told my friends i bleed black and cry during classes
i'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth
you can read me "Catcher in the Rye," and watch me jack off
i wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
if i said i like girls i'd only be half right
i look like i'm dead and dress like a homo
i must be emo
screw XBOX i play old school Nintendo
i must be emo
i like to whine and hate my parentals
i must be emo
me and my friends all look like clones
i must be emo
my parents just don't get me you know. they think i'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy. well, a couple of guys. but i mean, it's the 2000s. can't 2, or 4 dudes make-out with each other without being gay. i mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways. i don't know diary, sometimes i think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend. . . . i feel like tacos
HAHAHAHA I cant stop laughing about it. <3 So emo!
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I had to brag.. but the BEST party is coming up in 3-4weeks time.. Steven loves having random party's like these.. which is awesome to have fun with! hehe
He's having a ALICE IN WONDERLAND Dress Up Partee!! hahaha Bree is going as Alice.. Im going as ZE QUEEN! "AWF WITH HER HEAD!!!" Mark is going as the King.. few people going as a card.. hahahaha omg this will be so awesome
Were having a tea party with the whole tea cups and pots.. but instead of tea.. filled with alchomohol.. then rocking up to switch in a limo afterwards.. haha clearly best idea yet!! Cant Wait :D :D :D :D
Are we there yet?!?!
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| Subject: | Woo! |
| Time: | 2:57 pm. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | Killswitch Engage - End Of The Heartache. |
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Last Night Was F*cking AWESOME!!!! So much good company!!! FANTASTIC MUSIC!! Bumped into some old school friends, and met those who I had forgotten about meeting a few weeks ago during my drunken state haha.
"Oh MICHY!" -- 'who the hell are you?' haha
My neck is hella sore from going nuts on ze dance floor..haha my mosh buddies rawk!
Thanx to all who used my list, did awesome this weekend!
Thanx to Bree for just being a great girl! :) Pics coming soon.
Fantastic that all the problems and shit that ruined me for months are all cleared out! SO over everything and enjoying my social activity again, big plans for the week ahead of me! YAY for holidays!
PS: Shain <3 awesome! hehe :P
Much Luff
PICS OF ZE NIGHT!!! *stolen off Bree* mwaha!!
Me and Bree were laughing and being stupid on the train for some unknown reason? SIF MAKE US CATCH THE TRAIN TO CAULFIELD LLOYD! haha <3
Me and Bree all hotted up ready for 70s/80s night out at switch!!! :D:D
Drunk Much..?? Noooo NEVARRR!!! ;) (XstraightedgeX) -Jade, Me, Lloyd and Bree!
Switch It Up Yo!! (Josh, Andy, Jade Myself and Lloyd)
MY Babies <3 Precious Creatures <3
HAHAHAHAH You Must Learn Not To Pass Out Around US >:) WOO We had fun!
HAHAHAHAHA and...
Good Times Good Times! :D
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Me Bree Jess and Michael went to toms work at the pub before switch.. got free cocktails and pre drinks for many hours.. and free foodage.. was ACE!
Then went to some random pub and some David Draimen lookalike was hitting on me and Bree so we spammed our Host Lists hahaha.. I cant remember who won on pool. I was fairly pissed at the time :S
I remembered having an awesome night, and my friends did too! And I danced and fell over lots haha.. got heaps of good pics and some random ones with random people? Ended up having 20drink cards or so.. didnt end up drinking them all so I bribed alot of people with my host list for next weekend :P (this weekend)
Thanx to everyone being so awesome and showering me with hugs!
Thanx to Phil for the place for sleepage on Saturday night xox
Sunday was the worst day ever.. WORST hangover.. didnt wanna get out of bed.. so we just layed there for many hours half alive haha.. I can imagine alot of things will be said to me on the Host Meeting on Wednesday :S uhoh! haha
Found some hot pics!
These girls are so awesome.. so meant to be <3
NO dont say it.. I know what this looks like.. but were a passionate bunch of -friends- (ONLY) so shuddarp looser lol.
Beautifull girl <3 <3
Omg best night !!!! :D
Much Love
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Thursday, April 20th, 2006
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afigirly's journal
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